Friday, July 21, 2006

Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
It's down at the end of lonely street
at Heartbreak Hotel.

You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.

Ok, so he didn't leave me, but I am lonely.
My husband is enjoying himself on the beaches of SanDiego. I'm extremely jealous because I have never been and will probably never get to go. When I told him that on the phone he said something to the effect of...When the kids are gone...Yeah right what ever.

So he calls me last night to tell me he is on his way to the beach. I tell him to "bite me", I'm up to my eyeballs in work, and stressing big time. Then he calls me at 4:57pm, three minutes before I get off work to tell me he is laying on the beach, had just finished body surfing in the ocean...ok, would he ever do something like that with me? No. I'm immediately upset. I don't let him know it, but I get off the phone and start crying. Why am I so upset? It's not like he is on vacation without me. He is working, but playing at the same time. I can't help but feel he has more fun with his "basketball girls" than he does with me. He gets to go places and do things that I never get to do. The one time I think I might be able to get away and it falls out of reach.

I'm at home cleaning, cooking and taking care of four kids, shopping, did I mention cleaning? Working my ass off. I'm exhausted. He has no idea. I'm jealous and it's not his fault, why am I so mad? I cry every time I think about him having so much fun. He should have fun! He works hard too. Ah, screw it, I'm spent and I have work to do.


KellyC_bb said...

Hmmm gosh, is this some of that emotional shit you were talking about at my place?
I know what you mean though.

Okay, off the damn computer for awhile - I'm going to try and do Round 24 with my almost-after-migraine self. Ohhhh it was bad this morning. If I feel too weak, I'll have to cut it short, but I'm gonna try!

leannwoo said...

Yeah, this is the emotional shit I was referring too. I didn't want to get your page all wet with my tears so I didn't go into it! :)

I can't tell you how much I admire you. You are trying to workout after a migraine...omg...give me two days rest after one. :) I am at a point where I have given up. I keep telling myself that I am not giving up, that I will workout, that I will be healthy. Then I say to hell with it all. I don't care what I look like, it's not like I am ever going anyplace to look pretty.

KellyC_bb said...

LOL okay, well, here's my usual places I go:
Superstore (groceries)
My living room
My computer room
My kitchen
My back yard gazebo (if it's not too hot)
I literally don't go anywhere.
I should just break out the chocolate and get in my recliner right now . . .

Nahhh, I guess that may put a damper in teaching Turbo classes.
As much as I love Turbo, it's still an internal struggle for me to be that person who works out every day, and I don't always make "every day".
I'm always so freakin' tired, sore, hurting, aching, headaching, that I do get into that "I don't give a shit" rut every now and then.
That's where I was in May, and that's why I headed off to that boot camp.
Although I've been stuck since December in basically the same size, I still, somehow, think I will do this thing!

A river in Egypt? Mayhaps.

leannwoo said...

No river in Egypt for you. You are rocking this! I am so proud! I need to get it moving too. I just don't care right now. I mean, I do care. I hate looking at myself right now. Everything is too small. I am so fat. I hate it. But I am so depressed and lonely that I don't care to do anything about it. My husband is never home, so why should I care. I know it will end. This is his last trip in at least a month. But what happens when basketball starts back up in September? I'll lose my husband again. A full time job and basketball 6 days a week.

I should want to do this for me though. I have never been a selfish person. If I think about it, I have never felt myself a deserving person either. Maybe that's my issue really. Deep seeded, goes way back to my childhood. I'm not worthy. Bleh. I'm done pissin and moanin.

web said...

Hey, forehead girl, are you PMSing or something? If you are, just remember that you'll feel much better soon. If you're not, I think you need to do some kickboxing. Let it out.

oh, and the double post was the stoopid word verification's fault. It told me that I typed it in wrong and it asked me to try again. So I did. And they both posted. But I like your naughty explanation better.

leannwoo said...

FG. That's me! :) I would love to say that it is PMS, but I think it is just me being overwhelmed. New job duties, no time off, taking care of my family all by my self, having to take the expedition in for $500 worth of break repair and the truck needs repairs to pass DEQ so I had to get a 30 day trip permit. I'm just done. Stick a fork in me done.

I am drinking Sangria's tonight. Made by our nice little Spanish exchange students. :) They know how to make a good Sangria.

web said...

Oh, that's right. As if life weren't enuf, you have visitors. But sounds like they're TALENTED visitors.
Peace be with you. And good luck taking your truck to Dairy Queen. Oh, wait. That's there's an E in there. Must be some sort of emmisions/safety thing, eh? They did away with that in Florida. Someday we'll be the smog state.
Take care and your WooFreakinHoo! attitude will be back before you know it. Just try not to kill your DH.