Sunday, February 21, 2010

Fear of Food

This is a post that I have been thinking about doing for a long time. Many of us have fear of food for one reason or another. Some over eat while others don't eat enough. Then there are those who binge and purge. There are many different reasons to be afraid of food. And I am just beginning to realize that there are so many reasons people fear food. Emotional, physical, psychological...I'm not a doctor and I will not tell you I can help you with it.

I can tell you about the journey I've been on over the last several years and more recently the last several weeks. I have had a fear of food for about 5 years now. My fear stems from digestive issues. I will eat in the morning and then I will be ill for a while until my stomach has dumped everything I put in it. I know, I know...TMI. But I just wanted to give a starting point for ya. So here I am, afraid to eat every single morning. Knowing that I need to fuel my body and I need to eat, but as soon as I do I'll be in the bathroom. So if I have meetings or I'm driving there will be no breakfast for me. None at all. At least for the last 5 years. I have gone to many doctors and had many tests. Nothing has shown up. Which makes me wonder if it's emotional.

This brings me to a few weeks ago. I had a group meeting with a lady who talks about emotional eating and emotional triggers. She asked if anyone in the group did not emotionally eat. I raised my hand. She then asked what I do to celebrate or at family get togethers, what do I do when I am with those I love and we are enjoying an evening. I then told her I don't emotionally eat for fear of ruining those moments with stomach issues. She quickly moved on because I couldn't fit into what she was talking about. But the more she talked the more I listened. The more that I realized that I may have an emotional trigger behind my food issues. I started thinking about my earliest experiences with food, just like she asked us to. Those early experiences were not pleasant. Dinners in my family growing up were not good. They were very tense and not happy times. Maybe my food issues are part if this. Then again, maybe I am reading too much into it and my food issues are just a stupid digestive issue! ;)

All I know is that lately I've gotten better. There are two things I'm doing differently. One is Shakeology and the other is being conscious of the anxiety I have when I think about eating.

Just coming to terms with the fact that I have been living with this issue instead of living despite this issue has gotten me thinking that there is more to life and more that I should be able to do for myself. So instead of worrying about what is going to happen when I eat I think about the wonderful healthy food I'm putting into my body and how much good it is going to do for my body. Yes there are days when it doesn't stay in, but there are more days now when it does. I am hopeful this will continue to get better and better and I will have conquered my fear of food.

Food should be something we feel good about putting into our body. Not something we feel anxious, fearful, angry or hurtful about. We shouldn't be eating out of loneliness, boredom, fear, anxiety or guilt. We should eat to fuel this wonderful body we have been given. Think about all the wonderful food we have available to us. All the wonderful fruits, grains, dairy and proteins. I myself love chicken, fish & yes, an occasional good steak. ;) Fruits are my favorite snack and I love my dairy too. I'm working on cutting down my coffee intake, I know that isn't so good for me, but I love my's my yum, yum!

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